The Awful Truth

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“Uh, this is so not news,” bitched a close Paris Hilton camper, regarding “exclusive” bulletins ricocheting around the electronic media right now about Paris’ bustup with BF Benji Madden. “Happened a long time ago.”

Yeah. We know. Like back when we first reported it. Said it with Madonna, said it with Paris—sometimes they just taken longer than others (Bennifer, anybody?). But they always come true. This is the sad, Awful Truth.

Oh, for the record, never in my life have I been screamed at by a Hollywood rep more than I was by Hilton’s manager at the time (which is saying an effing lot), when we first reported Paris’ toilet-equipped rendezvous with Hills slut Doug Reinhardt. I’m sure you all know by now, the bigger they bark, the more they hide.

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Want to know what turns on Megan Fox? Grab your pencil, put down your fears and read on. Yeah, we hit up the GQ Men of the Year party last night at the Chateau Marmont. While honorees like Jon Hamm were definitely dressed to impress, the night turned out to be all about the ladies—love it when that happens. Caught up with Megan Fox who looked smoldering, accompanied by (sorry gents and gals) fiancé Brian Austin Green.

Since these two seem to keep it hot, we had to ask Meg what a Man of the Year should always do in bed. Curious about her enthusiastic answer? Read on:

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Our fave babe Britney Spears decided to light up on her way to Malibu yesterday, prolly 'cause her dad wasn’t in the car and couldn’t stop her. No adult supervision? Time for a sin break! No wonder B.S. so desperately wants to be liberated from her “prison.”

Is this how Brit slimmed down so much? By sneaking cigarettes when papa Jamie wasn’t looking? Britter's bod and hair might look better, but we bet her lungs look like crap. Happy and healthy is the Spearsy we like best, but lookin’ at these sorts of pics and hearing her whine on those documentary previews (catch one after the jump), it’s safe to assume she’s neither, and hasn’t been for a long time.

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Hunky Hugh Jackman was voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive this year, mostly because he keeps quiet about his sex life (quite unlike overly gushy stars like Will Smith) and because he was covered in sweat and dirt while filming Australia. Guess the American people prefer their men silent, soiled and foreign? If that’s the case, why wasn’t Anne Hathaway’s ex Raffaello Follieri named sexiest stud on earth? Or would Raffy win the the title of least Sexiest Man Alive, considering all that slimy stuff the con man’s in jail for? Tough call, there’s a lot of competition out there...

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Miley Cyrus is probably the only person left who thinks she’s not overexposed. The tween queen told E! at Bolt’s press event that she wouldn’t say no to reality stardom. This is what happens when Heidi Montag is considered a role model to young girls. “I would want to be on a reality show like The Real World because I think that’s crazy,” says Miley. “I just want to be in a really nice house with cameras following me around. I can just sit there, eat Cheetos, read my book, hang out all day.”

Cheetos? Does the book Miley’s reading happen to be The Britney Spears Guide to Ruining Your Childhood? Provocative photos, inappropriate relationship with a questionable suitor, paparazzi-hounded—Brit-Brit didn’t check all those off her bad-idea list till her 20s! At this speed, Cyrus could be shaving her head as we speak. The Mouse House keeps breeding these squeaky-clean stars that turn out to be anything but. Something’s in the water over at Disney—probably booze?

—Additional reporting by Becky Bain and Whitney English

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Non-Pattinson Twilight cutie Cam Gigandet got up close and personal while signing autographs at his vampire flick’s premiere. Are you single, Cammy? C.G. was über-hesitant to answer, mumbling out, “Oh, I don’t know…” OK, so let’s just say ya don’t have a GF, since apparently you have no idea—what kind of girl could get you to settle down? “Someone perfect!” Cam says. Well, that’s not hard to live up to.

Why not pick one of your fellow superfine Twilighters? We’ve heard rumblings that some clandestine costar canoodling happened behind the scenes and between the sheets. Nikki Reed was pissed we even mentioned any rumored romance between the pic’s pretty faces Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, since K.S. has a boyfriend, Michael Arangano, whom she was cuddling up to at the after-party. 

Michael Welch seemed out of the loop when it came to any offscreen hookups that may or may not have taken place. “I wasn’t privy to any of that; I wasn’t involved. Sorry to disappoint, I don’t think any of that happened—but I could be wrong!”

“Jackson [Rathbone] and I…he gives good massages,” said vampire-playing Kellan Lutz, about his also-neck-biting costar. Don’t tease us, Kell. “There’s nothing; rumors are rumors. We were so much like the Brady Bunch family, nothing like that would happen.” Apparently Lutz didn’t read Maureen “Marcia” McCormick’s tell-all about her love affair with onscreen bro Barry Williams. Probably shouldn’t use the hormone-filled Brady household as an example of chastity.

—Additional reporting by Taryn Ryder and Becky Bain

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As we all made so clear yesterday, sexy bloodsucker Rob Pattinson stole the show at the Twilight premiere. So now that he's clearly taking over Beckham's accented throne (trust us on this one), we had to ask the Brit boy a few heartthrob pointers. Like the following:

Awful Truth: How do you possibly handle the fame and all of these screaming girls?
Robert Pattinson: I don't really, I'm just here. I don't know if I'm accepting it or not, really. It's completely ridiculous; I mean last year no one cared at all.
A.T.: Hey, you care for anyone like Edward does for Bella?
R.P.: Not as deeply.
A.T.: OK, then, got it, you're free and easy. Well,  free. What do you look for in a girl?
R.P.: A little bit of madness.

Sure sounds like a dude who belts 'em back before he goes on auditions, now doesn't it?

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Clearly, estranged Madonna hubby Guy Ritchie doesn't know he's English. He must have some kind of Connecticut WASP in him or something because every U.K. type worth his headlines knows you spill about what's buggin' you via your elegant pals, in this case, Guy's titled friends and fam, just like Princess Di did it when she wanted to get back at Charles.

How else are we supposed to find out that kissing Madonna was like smooching something akin to vegetarian beef jerky? ('Cause that's what we hear from friends of friends of G.R., but, baby, we need much more directly from the source, with exact quotes and far more details!).

However, here's the only thing I can add to this sad little bitching of mine: I also hear Guy's saving it all up for where it counts: court. Now, that's the way to do things Mr. R! Note to A-Rod: You might want to stay away from both sides of the pond in the next few months if you know what's good for your girlfriend's bank accounts.

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Robert Pattinson was the babe of the ball at the Twilight premiere last night in Westwood. Pattin-hon’s costar Nikki Reed talked Rob with us while he was out taking pics with his near-fainting fans. “You know, the girls that are all yelling for Rob don’t know Rob. And if they did know Rob, they would still be screaming for him. What all these girls may not know is that he’s an avid reader; he’s really intelligent and he writes beautifully. I know he’s really beautiful to look at, but Rob’s a lot more complicated than that, and there’s a lot more to him.”

You can practically envision every Zac Efron photo being ripped down from every teen girl’s bedroom walls and a Pattinson poster being tacked up in its place. A lot more on the complex cutie later today and what drives him just crazy, trust.

—Additional reporting by Taryn Ryder and Becky Bain

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“I mean, she’s younger, but she’s worked a ton more than I have...I would much rather lose a role to her than a reality star.”

—Twilight’s Ashley Greene, sounding just this side of bitter on competing with Kristen Stewart for parts. Now that Paris Hilton’s getting cast in films on a regular basis, you might have to grin and bear losing to bigger names, babe

Fame Pictures

Britney Spears, chilling at swanky sushi restaurant Nobu in WeHo on a Sunday night, relaxing with some buddies. Brit, dressed way casual in jeans and a sweater, gulped down sushi, but stayed away from sake or anything alcoholic—way to go, B. Is this the same gal who passed out last New Year's from partying too much? We barely recognized that dead look in her eyes. Feeling much more virginal than B-babe’s felt in a while was...

Virginia Madsen, lighting up the premiere of Pray the Devil Back to Hell in Bev Hills. Virgie, her hair pulled back while wearing a white, flower-patterned frock, was gorgeous and gracious, ‘course, can’t imagine this lovely lady ever being a be-yotch. Also feeling some inspiration at the screening was...

Dana Delaney, lookin’ fab while feting the film. The vivacious redhead donned a black leather jacket and a black-and-white striped shirt. How very Elvis’ “Jailhouse Rock” of D2. She checked out the inspirational flick, which made the shortlist of documentaries in line for an Oscar nom, about the women of Liberia protesting for peace during their country’s civil war by withholding sex from their men. Maybe Jen Aniston should do similarly—John Mayer might start behaving like a better boyfriend.

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"No, I have not."

—Chris Klein, when asked if he had seen, or made plans to see, his tabloid-darling ex, the current Mrs. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, for her Broadway turn in All My Sons. So surprised