QUESTION # 350: BEDDING REALITY
Dear Useless Advice,
Please let me know if you'd be interested in doing a story/mention on Reality Bedding, a concept sure to change home decor forever.
Thanks and look forward to speaking with you soon.
Stan Grabish
Founder of Reality Bedding
Dear Stan,
Absolutely not! I don't make any suppositions about you and your perverse ilk, sir--and I do use the term loosely--but upstanding gentlemen like myself and my colleagues will never adorn our mattresses with such pornography. Sure, pornography has its place, like on the computer or spliced into nanosecond long sequences in Disney's animated features, but on the bed?
Reprehensible.
I imagine we should just, you know, get a big laser and, what, etch a twenty-mile high boob into the side of the moon, huh? A boob? Twenty miles high? On the side of the moon? I bet you'd like that.
I'm sorry that the X-ray goggles you ordered out of the back of your Aquaman comics didn't actually let you see through girls' shirts. Yeah, I'm sorry you never got to see little Susie Wilson's training bra. But we will not, I repeat, not aid you dispersing such opprobrious filth into the general populace.
You've got a lot of nerve mister. As a man, and as a human being, I am here, emphasizing my point in italics, that we will do no such thing. I am placing this electronic mail into our trademarked Advice Randomizer for shredding, never to be seen in public again.
To you, I say good day, sir!
I say good day!
Sincerely,
Just Plain Useless
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Please let me know if you'd be interested in doing a story/mention on Reality Bedding, a concept sure to change home decor forever.
Thanks and look forward to speaking with you soon.
Stan Grabish
Founder of Reality Bedding
Dear Stan,
Absolutely not! I don't make any suppositions about you and your perverse ilk, sir--and I do use the term loosely--but upstanding gentlemen like myself and my colleagues will never adorn our mattresses with such pornography. Sure, pornography has its place, like on the computer or spliced into nanosecond long sequences in Disney's animated features, but on the bed?
Reprehensible.
I imagine we should just, you know, get a big laser and, what, etch a twenty-mile high boob into the side of the moon, huh? A boob? Twenty miles high? On the side of the moon? I bet you'd like that.
I'm sorry that the X-ray goggles you ordered out of the back of your Aquaman comics didn't actually let you see through girls' shirts. Yeah, I'm sorry you never got to see little Susie Wilson's training bra. But we will not, I repeat, not aid you dispersing such opprobrious filth into the general populace.
You've got a lot of nerve mister. As a man, and as a human being, I am here, emphasizing my point in italics, that we will do no such thing. I am placing this electronic mail into our trademarked Advice Randomizer for shredding, never to be seen in public again.
To you, I say good day, sir!
I say good day!
Sincerely,
Just Plain Useless
If you want us to quote other TV shows, send your questions to Useless Advice from Useless Men by clicking here. I said do it!
Subscribe to Useless email updates. 56% 70's, 44% That Show. Click here.
Advice given at
5:02 PM
2 Comments:
what? no way would i want them...not only do i have to be subjected to those perfect, discusting, oh i'm so beautiful and hot, look at me don't you wish you were as hot as me bodies in the day time in tv, movies, malls, people on the street, the check out girl in Co-Op,my sis and mom, neighbours etc. etc....but now to have them invade the santity of my sleep time? who wants nightmares, not I.
By
Chana, at 2:27 PM
ok, this was just too funny cause you know secretly..you've ordered one..lol
By
KaraMia, at 10:27 PM
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